Welcome to the Cat House!

Kelp Marie Jenkins

Kelp is the eldest cat in the clan. Originally a spoiled only cat, she is a princess (who knows it) and a total Daddy’s girl who is still learning how to share her parents and love her less refined siblings.In quiet moments, Kelp is very openly affectionate. With a purr as loud as a motorboat, she loves to not-so-gently headbutt and curl up tucked under the chin. The smooochiest cat around, Kelp mostly shows love by gripping her father’s face and giving him a thorough bath of kitty kisses. She gives her parents (and occasionally siblings) hundreds of kisses a day and will get cranky if not allowed ample smooch time.When not smooching or napping, Kelp loves to fill her time with anything that reminds her of the 7 weeks she spent in the woods as a kit. A skilled hunter, Kelp has claimed a number of mouse victims and spends hours stalking their hiding spot behind the stove in the hopes of a thrilling chase. She also enjoys curling up on the sill of an open window, watching the birds and dreaming of catching new types of prey.The only thing that can break her stride is her sensitivity. A sideways glance, too deep of a breath, or too much (or too little) lovin’ and Kelp’s mood will quickly shift from content to tetchy with airplane ears and a thrashing tail. She offers the cold shoulder when offended, but twitches her ears to show she hears you calling her.Kelp is a junior undergraduate in Biology at Stanford University. She studies rigorously with the dreams of becoming a neurosurgeon. Her parents are infinitely proud of her and praise her for being the family’s crown jewel.

Nicknames: Smooch Maroon, Baby Cat, Kelpie, Diet Dr. Kelp, Meep, The Smoochiest Cat in the World, Babius Catius subclass Meeperson

Clamson Clemjamin Clementine

Clam was the second cat to join the family. His parents brought him home the first day in their new house; they wanted a companion for Kelp for their long hours away at school. After a single quiet night, Clam came out of his shell. It turns out, he isn’t all that quiet! Clam came installed with two polydactyl thumbs and a bike horn that he uses liberally. As he grew bigger and fluffier, so did his mitts, and Clam has learned that the power of the world fits in his meaty claw.Don’t let that devilishly handsome exterior fool you- this boy has turned to a life of crime. The victim of his first heist was an unsuspecting, unopened bag of yeast. When he is in a mood, he prefers to work it out by wrestling with his siblings, regardless of whether or not they are in the mood, and Clam is not afraid to take chase. Clam may have been caught in his villainous yeast feast, but it has not deterred him from pursuing other shenanigans and terrorizing town.When not searching for food or more victims, Clam is sleeping. He often falls into such a deep sleep under random pieces of furniture that his parents fear that he has escaped. When he reappears, it is with a disheveled coat and eyes that squint at the lights, indicating a satisfying nap. Sometimes Clam decides to spend some of his sleepy time cuddling. Generally, this big fluffy boy is happy receiving loving anywhere, but his favorite is being stroked firmly on his head. When it’s cuddle time, don’t worry if you forget to pet him- he will make sure your hand does not leave the top of his head. Clam has a big heart, and when he decides to be affectionate, you will not be able to escape him rubbing up on you or begging for pets.Clam does not currently have plans for the future, and he tries to take things one day at a time. He is in the midst of rehabilitation for his criminal behavior, but progression is not linear and sometimes the temptation of a forbidden treat within reach is too much for him to resist. With the looming threat of police arriving at their door with a warrant for Clam’s arrest, his parents hope he can get it together before it’s too late.

Nicknames: Son, Clammy, Lipped/Lipfull Son, Squintson, Honk, Clam Sandwich, Scooby Doo

Catfish Colby Bumbus diWobble

Catfish Colby is cute, but she can be... hard to look at. The third member of our family is awkward and perpetually uncomfortable. Colby's desire for affection often conflicts with her constant overstimulation; any petting behind the shoulder blades results in her raising her butt in the air before immediately readjusting. It's strange that it seems unable to relax when Clam, her full sibling only 3 months older, is effortlessly nonchalant. Despite having photo evidence of Colby as a newborn kitten, she is, in fact, an entity far older.The first recorded instance of her dates back to 1491, when Christopher Col-Bumbus sailed the ocean blue and discovered America. Col-Bumbus's peaceful integration and collaboration with the Native people was so astounding that in the late 1700's, The United States began to celebrate Col-Bumbus day on the second Monday of October. The legend of Christopher Col-Bumbus also inspired the creation of the presitgious NoBum Peace Prize in 1901.The only other known account of this entity was recorded in the late 18th century. As Col-Bumbus day was being established in America, Friedrich Colbybumler synthesized urea, an organic compound, from entirely inorganic materials. This discovery unlocked a divine channel of knowledge, and suddenly Colbybumler's brain was inundated with the infinite truths of organic chemistry. The sheer breadth of information overwhelmed her brain, corrupting it. Colbybumler fled, and her findings weren't discovered until 1828, when Friedrich Wöhler used her notes to recreate the results of the experiment.The entity now finds herself with us. Colby was born a runt; she was half the size of all of her orange brothers. Even so, she has found a way to grow to the size of a small turkey. Colby's constant discomfort is merely a symptom of the countless lives she has endured. Her brain is still unable to retain any information; all of her incalculable wisdom remains stored in her beard, where she cannot acess it. In this incarnation, she runs her own bakery, “Bushy Tail Bakery” which produces fresh biscuits daily. When Colby isn’t working, spends her days content to sits wherever she fits, never burdened by a single thought.

Nicknames: Bum, Bumbie, Lady Bum, Colbum, Colbibbidibumbus, Christopher Colbumbus, Cobble DiWobble, Meatier Creature, Creature of the Night

Critter Gregory Critterson

Critter is one half of the dynamic duo that fills in the last piece of the family pie. He is the least motivated of his siblings, at least when it comes to anything productive. He is the only cat of the house to not grow a tail, simply because he was too lazy to grow one.- was too lazy to grow a tail
- plucked from the sky but some of hm got stuck so now he’s part white
- a pain in the ass
- needs so much attention
- becomes violent when not sufficiently entertained
-followed clam in a life of crime
- will not stop suckling
- has actually caught mice
-attacks siblings and also cuddles them intensely
-bastard
- helps in the bakery
-bad at school

Nicknames: Sausage boy, Abomination, Penguin, the Critterous boy

Creek

-plucked from the sky
-creaky tail that has grown an extra creek
- a car that must be honked
- does not understand personal space
- somehow appears in your lap without you realizing
- if another cat is getting attention, will sit on/in front of them to join in
- a very sweet boy

Nicknames: Squeaky Creeky, Piece of the Night, Pikachu, Snug Bug, Void